the 4th trimester
here is a glimpse into the 4th trimester, the one I was oddly under prepared for. We had a birth plan, countless onesies and baby supplies, but no idea what the 4th semester would entail. Eloise’s birth wasn’t quite what we planned. It was what we call a home birth cesarian. More on our birth story below. So at 2 weeks postpartum we were in the midst of it all - the intoxicating newborn smell, the PTSD flashbacks from the birth, postpartum blues, engorged, painful and leaking breasts, sweet endless cuddles, a newfound love for my husband Evan and the life we created together, feelings of resentment and fear for our new life, adult diapers, ravishing hunger from breastfeeding, tears from both mom and baby, and everything in between.
Our birth story
At 40 weeks and 5 days I woke up with strong contractions, so strong and so close together I didn’t realize they were contractions, I was just in horrible pain without relief. We headed for the birth center around 8am, where they confirmed I was indeed in labor and baby would arrive today. With double peaked contractions, there wasn’t much of a break to catch. I roared as my body kept dialating, the doula kept massaging my back and Evan cheered me. By 12:30pm my midwife checked me and I was a full 10cm and ready to push. So I pushed. And pushed with every cell in my body. We tried many positions, many chants, but baby girl didn’t want to come yet. My blood pressure was running low, around 70/40 which meant I started fainting in between the double peaked contractions. After about 3 hours of pushing I couldn’t control it anymore, my body naturally started pushing. Everything went in waves, I would roar and scream for a full minute while my body pushed and my midwife waited to catch the baby and then pass out for a minute. This cycle went on for another hour, until we made the call to transfer to a nearby hospital. The ambulance would take too long, so here we were: Evan was panicked in the drivers seat, my mom in the passenger seat, my midwife in the back seat with me. I was fully naked, in all fours because I couldn’t seat with a baby’s head in between my legs, leaking fluid everywhere and still roaring. Once we arrived at the hospital my midwife was turned away due to COVID-19 restrictions, I got a gown on, and was wheeled up to labor and delivery. Once arriving in the unit I was given an epidural, something I felt strongly against at first but after almost 5 hours of pushing I was ready for some relief. (part 2 coming soon)
